Didn't Know I'd Love You So Much
by BeautifulCorpses
Summary: Desdemona is a wild, unpredictable, intoxicating queen who has the heart of the most wanted tom on campus - Rum Tum Tugger. He soon finds that loving a queen like Dez is almost impossible. Some chapters will have extreme mature content.


The night had been decent. Tugger has a light feeling as he rode the elevator up to the seventh floor of his apartment complex. The building was silent which helped with Tugger's relaxed mood. Aside from a few light thumps all he could hear was the sound of his own light breathing. He looked up and watched the numbers light up above the door. 4… 5… 6…

When it finally reached his floor and the elevator door slide open he was met with a comforting smell. Even though his apartment was around the corner, he could still smell it. He dug his keys out of his bag and walked down the hallway, the smell getting stronger as he went. When he was standing in front of the door his nose caught the scent of something else. A queen. Desdemona. A gentle smile played on his lips and he quickly unlocked and opened the door. From his front door he could see the living room. His eyes swept over the pale beige room and his head tilted to the right in confusion when he did not see Desdemona (or Dez as him and many others usually called her).

He called out gently, "Dez?" When the tom heard no response he entered the apartment fully and closed the door, placed the bag he carried onto the white sofa and looked in the kitchen, "Dez? Are you here?" Eventually he came to his bedroom and peeked around the door. There she was. Sleeping silently like she always did. A warm feeling spread over Tugger, like it always did, when he saw her. Quietly he stepped into the room and a small sound escaped her lips as she shifted slightly. He paused in fear that he had waked her. When no other movement was made he proceeded to gently lower himself onto the other side of the bed.

Propping himself up on one arm, he faced her. She had a calm expression and Tugger studied her for a moment. It wasn't often he had the chance to just look at her. Normally she would roll her eyes at him and tell him to take a picture. They met a few months ago when she came late to the writing class they were taking together. She clumsily pushed her way in front of the other cats in the aisle he was sitting in and plopped herself down in the seat beside him, being as it was the only seat available. She then proceeded to talk to him in a blunt manner that Tugger wasn't used to.

"Hey, you wanna give me those notes when you are all done with them? Clearly I forget my notebook when I was rushing to class." Tugger had looked at her curiously and she gave him an annoyed expression, "Listen, punk. I don't care if you don't know me. I'll get them back to you. I promise." She had almost seemed offended by his taken back response. He gave them to her and they ended up getting a coffee together. Of course she never gave the notes back, but even before he left her that day he knew that he didn't care. He knew that day that she was different. Something completely unlike any other queen he'd met. Perhaps it was because most queens almost killed themselves for his attention; whereas Dez never seemed to care one way or another if he was around. She still came across that way today, but Tugger knew that she cared for him the same way he cared for her.

Eventually Tugger's eyes wandered to Dez's body. He couldn't help it. Not only was it exposed due the blanket being kicked off while she slept, but he was ridiculously attracted to her. He loved her long slim body and how her dark fur seemed to grow in directions that completely emphasize every curve she had. The long golden strip that ran down her back seemed to make her torso look endless and her chest was just the right size.

Tugger shifted closer and gently placed a hand on her side just above her hip. That's when he noticed the fracture in her perfect fur. His eyes widened to let more light in and lowered his head so that he could get a better look at her left thigh. There he could see the fur slightly matted and missing. His heart sunk. Where the fur was missing was replaced by dark scabs, scabs that Tugger could tell where not old. He pulled away and sat up. Leaning against the headboard he pulled his legs up and rested his arms on either one. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, trying to remain calm. The fur was finally beginning to grow back. The only thing left was a few scars hidden under it. It had been weeks since she had done anything to herself. He was sure that he had put an end to all of this, and yet…

As if on cue Dez stirred and slowly turned over. Tugger looked down to see her green eyes staring back at him, "What's the matter?" she asked sleepily. Tugger shot a harsh glance at her then quickly stood up and left the room. He began pouring himself a glass of water when Dez appeared in the kitchen doorway. She leaned against the frame lazily and crossed her arms. Tugger didn't say anything. Facing the sink, his back to her, he began taking small sips from the glass. If she didn't know why he was upset, she was just being stupid.

She sighed, "I know what you're thinking…" she started but Tugger didn't want to listen to her excuses. He slammed the glass down hard, hard enough for little drops of water to shoot up and out onto the counter top. He faced her, but starred at the tile floor. He knew that he should stay calm but rage seemed to be taking up all the space he had to feel.

"You have no idea what I'm thinking." His voice was cold and he stayed stiff and motionless, "If you had the slightly clue as to what I am thinking right now, you wouldn't do shit like this."

There was a long pause and Tugger knew that he sounded harsh and uncaring, but really he was reacting this way because he did care. He cared a lot, and he would not stand by and watch the queen he loved hurt herself. Dez sighed again and took a couple steps towards him. He felt her lightly touch his arm,

"Babe…" she said softly, "I'm sorry." Tugger could feel his feeling waver and he fought not to give into her. The feeling of her touch was warm and he wanted nothing but to forget about it all and pretend that everything was fine, but he knew that he couldn't give in to her. Not again. He pulled his arm away and looked at her,

"Why did you do it this time?" he was trying to stay as calm as possible, but images and memories he didn't want to think about kept flashing through his head. Images of her lying on a public bathroom floor completely fucked up and out of it. Him walking in on her with a knife in her hand, blood dripping down her thigh, crying to the point of hysterics. That night he found her kissing that strange tom…

Tugger shook his head and looked into her eyes. He knew that he had put up with a lot of shit from her. More than any cat would even consider dealing with, and yet he never seemed to reach his breaking point. Her eyes were intoxicating. The way she moved, spoke, kissed, made love – it was all like a drug and he couldn't even imagine going through withdrawal. Dez shifted uneasily and broke eye contact. Her eyes wandered around the room as she fought for words.

"I don't know… I just, you know. I felt down and a little like shit so I made myself feel better." She said the last bit slowly. Tugger could tell that she was trying to word it in a way that wouldn't make it seem so bad. He shook his head and looked at the floor again,

"So, you're telling me that you took a knife to your own fucking skin to feel better?" the anger was rising in his chest again and he had to take a deep breath to prevent himself from exploding. He knew there was more but he wasn't going to prod her for the information. He was scared of what she might tell him. He walked away into the living room and slumped down on the couch beside his bag. He leaned forward and put his face in his hands. Why did he put up with this bullshit? Why couldn't he just say that enough is enough and move on? Why did she infect him the way she did? He felt Dez sit down beside him, her left leg against his right so that its inner thigh was out of his sight. He wondered if she did this on purpose. She rested her head against his shoulder and he felt warm drops of water soak into his fur. He sighed and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in close. He didn't want to be mad anymore. He didn't want to upset her. He kissed the top of her head,

"Its okay, Dez. It's okay. I'm not going to leave you or anything. Just… "Dez nodded slowly and grabbed onto him tightly. He could still feel her tears and the pain he always felt when he knew she was in pain punctured his stomach, and he knew that they wouldn't talk about it any longer. He only hoped that she didn't do anything else to make herself feel better.


End file.
